Control
by DreamLogic
Summary: PUNKCOP AU. Sarah stops Beth from killing herself and they go on to become close.
1. Chapter 1

**Fic: Control (1/?) **

**Fandom: Orphan Black**

**Pairing: Sarah Manning/Beth Childs. (Probably, Maybe)**

**Words: 2,503**

**Summary: PUNKCOP AU. Sarah stops Beth from killing herself in ep1 and they go on to become close. **

**Notes: I felt that this needed to be more of a thing. There's not nearly enough of this anywhere and by that I mean there's literally almost nothing so yeah but I wanted to read it and got bored of waiting. If a better writer does it I will applaud them for it. May or may not follow canon because AU (plus I haven't decided yet but yeah more than probably kinda).**

**Tell me if this something you'd be interested in reading more of.**

* * *

**And She Gave Away the Secrets of Her Past**

As Beth walked towards the train station she wondered how it could have come to this. She'd always been so in control but recently, everything had just been spinning s quickly out of control and she didn't know what to do anymore.

She killed a person.

She knew that she had to do it. She had to, to protect herself, to protect Alison, Cosima, the German and god knows how many more of them. There could be hundreds of them for all she knows, and it was her job to protect them. Maggie Chen was after them. She wanted to hurt them, to kill them and Beth knew that she had to keep them safe, but she doesn't how she can anymore.

Everything had fallen apart. She had killed a person. She could lose her job. All that on top of whatever it is that's happening with Paul, it was just too much. She just couldn't anymore.

She stood on the platform, deliberating, wondering how to go about doing this. She puts down her bag, her I.D inside. It's important that she does this right, there needs to be no doubt as to whose body they find, she needs to keep the rest of them safe. Any other police involvement could expose them all, and god knows what would happen to them then.

As she heard the train coming she prepared walked towards the platform's edge. It wouldn't be long now she told herself she looked around the platform, taking in her surroundings and checking for any potential problems.

At first she's not sure if she's seen correctly, but lo and behold, there on the platform is another one of them. Another person she has failed, but there's nothing she can do to change that now.

She took a deep breath and prepared to jump.

* * *

At first Sarah didn't quite believe what she was seeing. There was a woman. A woman who looked exactly like her. A woman who was preparing to jump. A woman who looks exactly like her, preparing to jump. It would just not compute.

As she walked towards the stranger time seemed to slow around her. She didn't understand what she was doing, she just knew that if she wanted to know why the hell the woman looked the same as her, she had to stop her from killing herself.

She just, she had to.

* * *

Beth had not expected to be stopped.

She had seen the other woman moving towards her. Her identical. But she had not expected her to react in time.

She had not expected the arms that grabbed her around her waist just as she was about to jump. She had not expected someone to pull her back, hold her close.

'Just what do you think you're doing?' The surprisingly unfamiliar voice whispered roughly in her ear. She hadn't expected the English accent.

The day was full of surprises it seemed.

The next thing she knows she's being pulled away from the platform's edge. Slowly but surely until they come to a complete stop next to her belongings. 'Put your bloody shoes on,' her identical hissed at her as she slowly let the grip on Beth's waist slacken, as if she's trying to gauge whether or not Beth would make a run for it, 'and don't try anything stupid, yeah?.' She adds as an after- thought.

Because that would stop her.

Not that she felt remotely like trying anything again at that particular moment, this woman stopped her once, she'd have no problem doing it again, and any motivation she had had had seemed to drain from her the moment the other woman restrained her.

In fact, for the first time in a long while, she felt oddly calm. The lack of control, even though it had only lasted a second had been just as freeing as the pills had ever been. As she turned to face the other woman, she wondered how long the feeling would last. She'd take as long as she could get.

* * *

Sarah was freaking the fuck out.

She didn't know what on earth had happened. One minute she was standing looking at the woman preparing to jump, the next thing she knows, she's holding her, pulling her away from the edge of the platform. And she had absolutely no idea how that happened.

For a moment she just stood there with the other woman in her arms, unsure as to whether to let her go or not, she might make a run for it or try to throw herself in front of the next fucking train, so keeping her close at least for a little while seemed like a fan-fucking-tastic idea at that particular moment.

She needed to know who the hell this woman was, and why the fuck they look exactly the same, and to find that out she needed her to stay alive. Well she figured she could probably find out if she wanted to, and boy did she want to, but keeping her alive seemed like the easier option. For the moment at least, this woman could be a right pain in the arse for all she knew. She'd already made her life harder just by being in the place at the wrong time, who knows what she could do with a little effort.

She knew that her impromptu rescue would have probably caused a scene if the station were any busier, so Sarah thanked God for small mercies, they had gotten a few weird looks at first but they had died away with the woman's struggles. Sarah figured people assumed that they were family, sisters. Hell if it wasn't happening to her she'd assume as much. For all she knew they were family, it's not like she ever knew hers, not a biological one anyway.

As the woman turned, just for one second Sarah let herself imagine that she'd simply imagined that the woman had her face, that she'd simply saved a life, done a good deed, all that jazz.

But no.

It's never that simple is it?

She hadn't been imagining it.

Fuck.

* * *

Beth waited for the other woman to say something but she just kept staring at her. Beth supposed that the poor girl was probably in shock, or something similar. Seeing another person with your face can do that to a person, as she remembers all too well. Although, given how forceful and simply in control the other woman had seemed only moments earlier, the reaction did surprise her.

Then again she doesn't know this woman. They may look the same but they've never met and genetics can't control everything. And she knows from experience, meeting Alison and Cosima, just how different they can actually be, in her experience they only dictate the superficial.

Heavens knows how long they stood there, just looking at each other until Beth could take it no longer.

'Come on,' she said, taking the other woman by the arm as she began to walk away. Only stooping to pick up her bag as an afterthought.

'Where are we going?' her identical asked after a few moments, pulling her arm free from Beth's hold, rubbing it up and down as if she had hurt her. For a moment Beth is annoyed that the woman has stopped, that is until she considered the very real possibility that if the situation were reversed she wouldn't just blindly follow a stranger God knows where either. In fact, once she considered that, she's actually surprised that they'd made it out of the train station and let alone as far as they had.

'Just somewhere we can talk, don't worry.' She said in an attempt to temporarily placate her companion. 'Well actually, first to my car and then somewhere we can talk.' She added after a moment in the spirit of complete disclosure, she hadn't actually decided where they should go. Everything about this was unplanned.

'Why should I come with you?' Beth hadn't really considered that the other woman wouldn't follow her. Was she not curious? Did she not want to know what was going on?

'You want answers? Then you'll come. Otherwise, I can't help you.'

The other woman seemed to consider this and for a minute, Beth really isn't sure if she other woman will follow her. She finds herself both oddly disappointed and envious at the prospect that this woman could just walk away. She'd never had a choice, but this new identical in front of her right now could make a choice and walk away, she could remain ignorant, or nearly ignorant, of the whole mess that was the basis of their entire existence, and Beth didn't know whether she wanted her to or not.

After a few agonising moments and a barely there nod of the head they're on the move again.

They don't speak another word until they're sat in her living room. She couldn't think of any place appropriate to have the 'we're clones' conversation, so she settled for having privacy at least. She thanked God that Paul was away and that she would not have to face that particular situation for at least another couple of days.

She wished she had had the opportunity to take something, just to calm her nerves, before she had to try to explain everything, but she didn't trust the woman not to take off and take half her possessions with her. Of course, she could be worried for nothing, but on the other hand her paranoia could be completely justified. So no. No leaving her alone until they know each other at least a little better. Then she could at least make an informed judgement.

That being said she still had absolutely no idea how to start.

How do you even begin to tell somebody that they're actually the result of illegal human cloning?

Realising that they really hadn't even covered the basics she decided that as they had to start somewhere they may as well start there.

Having decided she gathered her courage. Turned to fully face her companion and simply stated 'I'm Beth. Elizabeth Childs.'

There. Those were words. Now just for the Rest.

* * *

Sarah was not entirely sure what was happening. She'd been dragged halfway across the city and now they were just staring at each other again, or at least she was staring at her, she just could not get over how similar they looked. The other woman seemed to be looking at something particularly interesting on the couch. Whatever they were looking at they'd just been sitting there for god knows how long. It was getting a bit ridiculous.

'I'm Beth.' Okay not what she was expecting as an opening statement, but everything has to start somewhere.

The newly identified Beth then resumed her staring. This time at her.

Okay, that was more unnerving than she'd anticipated. Why was she just looking at her? Was she waiting for something? What?

'And you are?' Beth continues after a few moments.

Ah. She wanted her name.

That makes sense.

'Sarah. I'm Sarah.' She replied. 'So you gonna tell me what's going on here, miss I have the answers, we family or something?'

'Definitely, or something' Beth replied. Because that answer wasn't ambiguous at all.

They continued to stare at each other. Sarah wasn't sure what to make of Beth. Looking around her home it seemed like she had a good life, like she was pretty together in the grand scheme of things, but then only an hour or so earlier she'd tried to top herself. So no, Sarah had absolutely no idea what to make of her.

It may have had something to do with the fact that they looked exactly the same, but there was something surrounding the woman that Sarah needed to figure out.

On second thought, it definitely had to do with the looking exactly the same thing. But that didn't mean that it didn't go further than that. It could do, she wasn't sure. She supposed only time will tell, see how long her interest lasts after the initial fascination has worn off.

She watched as Beth visibly struggled to find whatever it was she needed to be able to continue. Until.

'Clones' she suddenly stated.

Okay. Clones. That made perfect sense.

Wait. What?

* * *

Beth watched Sarah closely as the meaning of her words sank in and comprehension dawned on her.

She watched as Sarah stood and began to walk about the room. Confused at the unexpected relief that flowed through her as she realised that Sarah was not running away. Not yet, at least.

She braced herself for some sort of response as Sarah came to a stop in front of her, again staring right into her eyes. But still nothing came.

As they continued to maintain eye-contact she wondered if this was going to become a thing between them. Unrelenting, intense and completely unsettling bouts of sustained eye-contact. She wasn't entirely sure she'd mind if it did. Sarah had nice eyes, she noted. Maybe too much eye make-up, but nice all the same.

And that's a train of thought that will only lead to confusion.

'You're shitting me, right? This is some sort of joke and you're actually my long lost sister or something, right?' Sarah asked in disbelief. Beth had expected that, she'd known for a while and she still found it hard to believe.

Sarah continued to stare for a few moments longer before finally looking away, obviously finding the answer she was searching for in Beth's eyes.

'Fuck,' she breathed out, slumping down onto the couch beside Beth. 'Clones.'

'Clones.' Beth repeated simply. 'There are at least three of us in North America that we know of. Four now I guess. We've, I've, had contact with one from Europe, there are more there, I don't know how many. God knows how many of us there are.'

She watched again as Sarah seemed to take the information on board. Beth wondered how she seemed so calm, she knew that if she'd been bombarded with this information the way that Sarah had been that she would be the opposite of calm. It was a lot of life changing information for such a relatively short period of time.

'Clones' Sarah again repeated, laughing incredulously to herself. 'So that makes us what? What's our deal? We just some sort of fucked up science experiment?' Sarah asked, leaning towards Beth. The sudden shift in the intensity of her questions taking Beth by surprise.

She was surprised to hear it so bluntly put. Between them, her and Cosima and Alison, they had always tried to avoid thinking about it like that, to consider that their lives were not the same as other peoples, that there was anything different about them. Denial was the key. Hell she'd already broken one of their rules by just using the word clone to describe them.

'Yeah. I guess we are, yes.'

She didn't know the half of it.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: So here's a second chapter of this, it was slow coming but hopefully as it goes on updates will get quicker, guess it all depends on life though as I have finals coming up.**

**Also I realised after I'd written that at the beginning the only phones Sarah had were Beth's but oh well.**

**Anyway enjoy and any feedback is appreciated.**

* * *

**And Walked Upon the Edge of No Escape.**

They're pulled from their discussion when Sarah's phone rings, making them both jump. She reached into her pocket to pull out her phone, attention still on the woman in front of her.

'Yeah,' she answered distractedly, eye still firmly fixed on Beth.

'Where are you then?' the familiar voice from the phone questioned.

'Felix?'

'Well who else would it be? You phone to say you're coming, and you want to meet, then disappear.' Ah yes she'd forgotten about that. 'Not that that's anything new, but…'

'Shit Fee. I… I got distracted by something. I'm Sorry. I'll be there soon, yeah?'

'Well don't take too long. Not losing sleep for your sorry arse.' Felix said, hanging up before Sarah could answer.

Sarah stared at her phone, she didn't want to leave Beth yet. Yes, she had the answers to the most of her questions, but really, right now, she wanted to know more about her. And plus, the woman had tried to kill herself earlier that night, who's to say that she wouldn't try again if she left. She didn't want that on her conscience.

She looked up from her phone, directly into Beth's curious eyes.

'You have to go?' Beth questioned.

Yes. She knew that she probably should. Felix would be pissed if she stood him up, but she didn't want to.

'Do you want me to go?' Sarah replied, breaking their eye contact, afraid of the answer she'd find there.

She regretted the question the moment it passed her lips. She could just feel Beth staring at her, trying to find a way to tell her to leave, that she didn't want her there. She knew that she should leave, leave and never look back, she could escape from this whole mess, from the inevitable pain and confusion, if she just left now. She had the perfect excuse, Felix was waiting for her and yet, she didn't know what she'd do if Beth said yes. She wanted to stay, wanted all the answers, wanted to know this woman in front of her and, for some reason, it was important that Beth wanted her there too.

The silence hung thickly between them, and Sarah had never felt more foolish in her life. She closed her eyes and tried to will the disappointment away, she had really thought that Beth would want her to stay. She should have known better.

* * *

'Do you want me to go?'

The hopefulness in Sarah's tone had thrown Beth. Sarah wanted to stay. She wanted to stay there with her, not go running to whomever had called. The thought filled Beth with warmth.

She's not really used to people being around her. Even her family and Paul, the man who was supposed to love her or pretend to at least, she wasn't sure anymore, couldn't stand to be around her for more than a couple of hours. She wasn't used to someone actually wanting to stay.

She watched as the hope drained from Sarah. Her posture drooping, breaking eye contact as she waited for her to answer. She watched all this whilst desperately trying to find the words to convey just how much she wanted her there. She'd only just met this woman but for the first time in a long time she no longer felt alone.

Sure she had Alison and Cosima with her in all of this, but they didn't even know half of the stuff that she does for them, plus they have their own lives to worry about. Cosima has school and Alison has her family and her whole life to maintain, Beth just couldn't burden them anymore than she had to. Something about Sarah just felt different, she'd saved her. Literally. And here she was basically offering her help, offering to share the burden. Beth knew that if she can just get Sarah to stay, she could help. Even if she doesn't know if she can trust her yet, at least she wouldn't be alone. Things would be better.

But she couldn't find the words.

'I guess I'll just go then.' Sarah said.

Beth watched as Sarah began to gather her things, as she slowly stood and walked towards the door. She couldn't believe that she was just letting her walk away. All she could think was that she had to stop her. Stop her now or she'd regret it.

She didn't even have a way to contact her and she was what, going to let her just leave. Sarah was a part of this now, whether she wanted her to be or not. She had to keep them all safe, and that included Sarah now, she couldn't just leave.

And yet Beth had still not stopped her.

Why hadn't she stopped her?

'Wait' Beth said, finally. Sarah paused, facing away from the other woman her shoulders tensed.

'I don't want you to go.'

There. She managed to say it.

She watches as Sarah hesitated for a second before returning to her side.

'Besides, we still obviously have a lot to talk about.'

They settled into a comfortable silence as Beth considered how to start with the rest. There was so much that she wanted to tell her, but she figured that unless Sarah actually asked to hear it, that she should probably ease her into it. She'd already been bombarded with enough new, life-changing information that night to last a lifetime.

* * *

'So you've met others, you sounded like you'd met others, like they actually exist, yeah?' Sarah asked.

She watched as Beth seemed to consider the question. 'Yeah, I've met two others. Cosima and Alison. No doubt you'll meet them too, especially once I tell them about you. Alison doesn't even live that far away.' She paused momentarily before looking directly at Sarah, a small, almost self-satisfied yet solemn smile on her face. 'You realise there's no escape now, right?'

Sarah was taken aback the certainty in the statement. She couldn't help but disagree, however, Beth really knew nothing about her still. She barely had her name, let alone any sort of way to contact her. Besides, she was good at disappearing. If she wanted to, she knew that she could leave and Beth would never be able to find her again.

But she knew that she couldn't run again.

Not now.

Despite the mess that she'd landed in the middle of, she couldn't leave then. Not without Kira, at least. She was the priority. If she needed to deal with all this other shit as well, so be it.

This would help keep her occupied while she figured out how to do that. Or at least that's what she had to keep telling herself. She couldn't let herself get attached, she wouldn't. No matter how intrigued she was by the other woman, she had to keep her head in the game.

'You realise there's no escape now?'

Beth really wanted to believe that. That Sarah was just as stuck in this as she was. And maybe she shouldn't want another person to be dragged into the middle of the whole clone situation, but she just couldn't shake the feeling that Sarah could help. That Sarah could make things better. Make her better.

She'd been drowning for so long, and she couldn't help but feel that Sarah could save her. She'd already done it once, after all.

As the two of them fell silent Beth wondered just how the others would react to Sarah, she laughed at the thought, drawing a confused look from her companion. Alison would probably hate her on sight. But she'd have to deal with that later, she had to tell the others about Sarah first.

One thing at a time.

The next thing Beth knows its morning. She doesn't really know how that happened.

They really hadn't been talking for too long before they must have fallen asleep but, she supposed that it must have been well past midnight by the time she had gone to the train station. She doesn't really know, even though she knows that she had been sober the details are a little fuzzy around the edges but, even so the morning shouldn't have come as a surprise.

She can't help but be disappointed. With the morning comes real life, and with it everything that she had been trying to escape. Maybe, just maybe Sarah can save her from that too.

She walked to the bathroom, wanting a minute to put herself together, needing something to take the edge off, before walking back towards Sarah.

The other woman looked so troubled in her sleep, she had rolled in on herself in her sleep, tension sitting heavy in her shoulders, her eye-brow furrowed.

Beth reached forward, wanting to smooth her troubled brow, to ease her worries as she slept but, just before she made contact she caught herself. How could she possibly hope to help when she would only inevitably add to Sarah's problems?

Laughing incredulously, she pulled her hand back as she sank down onto the sofa.

As the pills started to work the world around her began to dim, become softer as it lost focus. She hoped Sarah was still there when she woke up.

* * *

Sarah awoke with a start, looking around quickly as she tried to figure out where on earth she had ended up.

As her eyes landed on the woman sleeping next to her on the sofa it all came rushing back. Beth. Clones. A whole fucking shit-storm of complicated that she knew she had to avoid if she wanted to escape with Kira.

And yet, she still mad no move to leave.

She jumped up, looking around for the backpack that contained her life, moving around the room as quietly as possible as she picked the bag up and made her way to the bathroom to clean herself up.

She hadn't even washed up from the train.

She stood hunched over the sink basin, looking at herself in the mirror above it as she tried to make sense of the last twenty-four hours.

She'd known that coming back here wouldn't be easy, she'd come to steal her child for Christ's sake, she just hadn't anticipated running into any other trouble.

She could see herself getting attached and that was really not part of the plan. She was supposed to be in and out quickly, she wasn't supposed to be getting involved in anything else. It was crazy. Sheer fucking lunacy. She should have left as soon as she woke up. And yet, she was still here.

As she stared at herself in the mirror she tried to motivate herself, gather the strength she needed to leave now, go to Felix, sell that fucking coke she had taking up space in her bag, and get the ball running on things with Kira. Keep things simple. Or as simple as they can be anyway.

'Sarah?' she heard Beth call as she shook her head and all thoughts of leaving, of running and deserting the other woman left her. For the moment anyways. Or at least that's what she tried to tell herself. All of this, this whole mess, it was just a temporary distraction. She needed it to be.

So for now, she'd put on the least horrendously uptight looking of Beth's clothes because, at least they'd be clean, and go with it. Whatever comes next, she'd handle it, for now. For Kira. And although she'd only just met her, for Beth.

* * *

The minute she woke Beth knew that she needed to face reality. The world hadn't stopped turning. And her phones would not stop ringing. Beeping. Neither life was on standby today it seemed. Her head was killing her and what's more, it seemed that Sarah had her left while she was sleeping.

Wonderful.

She had known that it was a possibility but she wouldn't let herself get too upset before she knew for sure.

'Sarah?' She called out, and as no response came she sank back into the couch and allowed the disappointment to flow through her. Her eyes burning with the sting of tears. She had really thought that Sarah could make things better.

For the first time in a long time, she'd hoped. Fat lot of good that had done her.

She started as she heard a noise, hastily wiping her eyes as Sarah emerged from the bathroom, her steps measured, hesitant. It seemed she wasn't sure about what to do now either.

She smiled weakly up at the other woman, even as relief flowed through her at the sight of her, it was hard to gather much enthusiasm for the day ahead. For everything.

Her phone rang again, filling the silence that had between them. She eyed it disdainfully. Why wouldn't it just stop?

'You need to get that?' Sarah asked.

'Probably,' Beth replied as she continued to ignore the ringing. If she ignored it would go away, Art and Katja would leave her alone and everything would be okay again. Or as okay as it had ever been, ever could be.

She stood, walking towards the kitchen, looking for something to make the morning more bearable. For the moment she had to settle for coffee. Paul must have found the stash she kept in the cupboard.

Life still goes on.

'Now what?' Sarah asked from the couch. Beth turned to face her, raising her mug towards her mouth, stopping as she too the other woman in.

'You're wearing my clothes.' Beth stated, raising her eye-brow. God that was weird, she thought, now they actually did look identical. She'd even taken her hair down, if it wasn't for that streak in her hair it'd be like looking in a mirror.

'Don't miss a trick you, do ya?' Sarah chuckled biting her lip in an attempt to contain a smile, raising her own eyebrow in return.

Okay. Again. Weird.

But she liked the teasing. She liked the teasing a lot. Things with Sarah were already so different than with the others, even if she couldn't quite understand why. There wasn't the same stifling weight to their interactions. Less pressure.

'Well it is my job,' She retorted lightly, 'Detective Childs at your service.'

'You're a Cop?' Beth puzzled at the cold tone to the question. A harsh edge to Sarah's voice that hadn't been there before.

'Well technically I'm suspended but, yeah. With the badge and the gun and everything.' She answered hesitantly, they'd been joking around just seconds earlier, what had happened?

She could hear Sarah muttering to herself, fidgeting about on the couch.

She watched as Sarah picked up her bag. 'I have to go.' She said as she moved towards the door. 'I got your number and I know you live' she remarked with the echo of a smile, 'so I'll be in touch, yeah'

She could see that Sarah had made up her mind, and if she was anything like her she wouldn't change it. There was no making her stay this time.

And as Sarah walked away, Beth fully expected to never see her again.

* * *

As Sarah tried to walk away she could hear a man call out for Beth, call out to her, she didn't care who she just needed to get away before they caught up with her.

She hadn't been lying when she said she'd be in touch, she just needed some time to get her head around Beth being a cop. It goes against every fibre of her being to trust her, but she couldn't help herself.

Even though she trusted her she'd still feel better without the coke burning a hole in her bag. She needs the money, but she somehow doesn't think that she'd be very forgiving if she found that on her. No she needed to shift it.

The door to Felix's loft opened, some faceless guy squeezing out, leaving the door wide open behind him.

She slunk in closing the door behind her before throwing herself down on the couch. Just because it had been awhile since she'd seen him didn't mean she had to make an entrance.

And anyway, she could hear him pissing about in the bathroom, no need to disturb him there.

Eventually, Felix emerged from the other room, freezing at the sight of his sister in his living room.

'Well, well look what the cat dragged in.'

'Leave it out Fee, it's not like you didn't know I was coming.'

'Yeah, well, you said you'd be here hours ago. For all I know you could have taken off again.'

Okay, maybe she deserved that.

'I'm back Fee, and I'm not leaving again without my family, without you and Kira.'

He moved quickly towards her smacking the back of head playfully as he collapsed beside her, 'You better not,' He threatened lightly as he pulled her close 'or I'll kick your arse.'

Laughing softly she pushed him away, smiling 'I missed you too Fee.' She teased.

'Oh shut up. What happened to you then and what's with those clothes? You look…'

'I had a weird night Fee and we'll leave that at that for now, yeah. I'll tell you when I figure out just what on earth happened.'

'And what about Vic the dick?'

'Done. For good this time.'

'You said that the last time.'

'Yeah, well, I hit him first this time. With an ashtray. Doubt he's too eager for a repeat performance. And anyway,' she said as she reached into her bag pulling out the coke 'don't think he'll be too happy with me when he realises I've got this. Reckon you can shift it?'

Sensing his hesitance she quickly added, 'C'mon Fee. That's our escape fund there.'

'Can't promise anything, Sarah'

'Never asked you to. Just try, yeah? For Kira?'

She decided that she needed to go back to Beth's, she'd only been gone a couple of hours, but she knew she had to go back, had to apologise, explain. She's run from a lot of things in her life, but she knows that she shouldn't have run from Beth.

She just freaked out. Cops had always equalled trouble in her book, but she'd already known that about her. She was her fucking clone for fucks sake, it was never going to be simple, and so she was going back.

As she turned towards Beth's townhouse she heard the same voice as that morning, calling out for Beth. She sped up trying to pretend that she hadn't heard him and actually make it to the house, but before she could make a hand grasped her upper arm, turning her sharply to face the assailant.

'Beth! What the hell,' he said, frustration at Beth evident in every move as he began to pull Sarah towards his car. 'Where the hell have you been? I've been trying to call you for hours. We've gotta go.'

Fuck. Who the hell was this guy? And more importantly, what the hell was she supposed to do now?


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Here's the next chapter, couldn't resist adding the shovel line but anyway, hope you enjoy. As always any feedback is appreciated.**

* * *

**Darkness Broke In, I just Broke Down and Cried**

Sarah had no idea what was going on.

In the past hour she'd been dragged into a car by a stranger and thrown head first into Beth's life. Fucking Clones. Fucking Police.

How the fuck was she supposed to be a cop? She had trouble following the law, let alone upholding it.

She looked around her for someplace to hide, wondering how on earth she was going to get herself out of this without anyone figuring out that she was not Beth. The fucking accent was hard enough with no practice, how was she supposed to fool the people who know her, when she knew literally nothing about her.

Finally finding a place to hide, even if only for a few minutes, she crashed into the restroom, reaching into her pocket, pulling out her phone. Scrolling through the contacts she thanked her lucky stars that she actually did take Beth's number, although, she had no idea if she'd actually pick up, or just what she could do to help her even if she did.

She dialled and cursed softly under her breath as she was put through to Beth's answer phone.

'c'mon, pick up' she muttered as she redialled, frustration rolling off her in waves.

Again.

No answer.

'Beth.' She shouted into her phone as she began to leave a message. 'I'm freaking out a little bit here. Pick up. Please. They think I'm you and there's a hearing or something? Why is there a hearing?' She began to panic as the reality that she'd have to deal with this by herself began to sink in. There was no running from this. 'I can't be you Beth. I can't be a cop. Help me.'

'Fuck.' She sighed as she ended the call, raking one hand through her hair as the other came to rest on the side of the sink in front of her. She needed a game plan. A way to get herself out without exposing them.

She'd always been good at escaping. Running away from anything that caused her any trouble. The fact that she would actually have to face this terrified her. There was nowhere to run.

She took a deep breath, looking around for anything that could help her. Her eyes focused on the hand soap above the sink. There. There was a way out, she hoped. A way to get them to stop asking her questions that she couldn't possibly know the answer to. She didn't even know what Beth had done that needed an enquiry in the first place.

A sense of desperation and renewed determination to get the hell out of there filling her, she reached for the soap.

Holding it under her nose she sniffed it cautiously before bringing it to her mouth. She's going to regret this later, she knows, but she also cannot see another way out. She drinks the soap quickly, forcing herself to swallow, trying not to choke.

God that was disgusting.

She breathed deeply, leaning heavily on the sink in front of her, praying that she stomach would settle enough for her to execute her plan.

She walked slowly from the restroom, breathing deeply, needing to hold her nerves, and her stomach until she could get the hell out of there.

She wasn't sure why she was so nervous about this. It's just another con really, it was what she did. But the idea of actually trying to convince people who know Beth, who interact with her daily, and who are fucking cops to boot, that she's her, made her uneasy.

She steadied herself as reached the conference room. This wasn't the time to freak out, she had to put her game face on, still not relishing the idea of what she knew she had to do next.

As she walked into the room she could fee all of their eyes upon her, and she wondered just what it was that Beth had done that had these people watching her like that.

Still, she could barely bring herself to listen to what they were saying, hearing 'civilian shooting' was more than enough to figure out what was going on there, she just focused on trying keeping herself composed.

She became aware of eyes watching her again, obviously waiting for the answer to a question that she had not heard, but still, it was time. She was getting the fuck out of there.

* * *

Her phone had been ringing constantly, one had stopped and for that she was thankful but the other had just kept on going. Beth had tried to ignore it, she really had but the incessant ringing was driving her to her wits end.

Groaning, she reached for the nearest, real life, it seemed, would wait no longer.

'Jesus,' she murmured as she took in the sheer number of missed messages she had amassed, and for a moment she seriously considered just continuing to ignore them. Then the pink phone beeped again.

_Where are you?_

Again

_I'm still waiting_

Again

_We are still meeting, yes?_

Shit. The German. She'd forgotten about that. She didn't really think she'd have to remember.

She pulled herself up from her position on the couch, before beginning her morning routine. If she was going to meet with Katja she wanted to appear at least a bit more put- together than she actually was, turning up in the clothes she'd slept in probably wasn't the way to do that.

She closed her eyes as she tried to regulate her breathing, trying to become the person that she knew she had to be when she finally met with the German. For the others. She had to be the Beth that they needed, the Beth who was in charge of the situation, confident, calm. The Beth who wasn't scared out of her mind every second of every day.

The pills helped.

Nothing's as scary when the edges are soft.

Gathering her courage she made her way towards the door. She couldn't put it off any longer.

* * *

Things had fallen to shit more quickly than she ever could have anticipated.

The moment that the German got into her car everything fell apart. First she hadn't even brought the briefcase with her, she'd assured her that it was safe but wasn't getting that information the point of this meeting in the first place? And then silence and a shattered windscreen, blood and another dead body on her hands that she had no clue what to do with. Time moving so quickly that she was barely able to keep up.

And this time there was no-one to help her.

She stumbled from her car, trying to escape the thick stench of blood that permeated the air inside the car.

Placing a steadying hand against the car she tried to take deep breaths, willing her body to calm down so that she could think clearly enough to actually do something about the body on her backseat.

She was a cop. She was supposed to be able to remain calm in situations like this, think clearly and act. But it's not like she could followed protocol. How would that have looked? Her calling in a dead in her car? The second person dead on her watch in a matter of months. A dead body that looked exactly like her in the back of her car.

No there was no way she could get through this using official means without the whole thing blowing up in her face. She just wished that she could think clearly enough to think things through clearly, but the combination of the god knows what flowing through her veins and the unadulterated panic flooding her was stopping her.

Reaching blindly into her pocket she pulled out a handful of whatever she had there, taking one, two, three. One of them was bound to help.

Her phone rang in her pocket, cutting through the crushing silence around her. As she looked at the unknown number on the screen, just for one moment she wondered just how someone could have known what had happened. What other reason would this person have for calling her?

'Beth?' rang clearly through the phone as soon as she accepted the call. Okay so this person knew her. That was something at least.

'Beth, are you there? It's me Sarah.'

Sarah. Sarah was ringing her. Sarah hadn't lied, hadn't left her. She could help her. She had to help her.

'Yeah.' She replied, her voice hoarse. 'I'm here.'

Sarah launched into a tirade that she couldn't find within herself to follow but the sound of her voice was soothing. She needed to ask her for help. She was the only one who could help. She was so caught up in her relief that she didn't notice that Sarah had stopped speaking. 'Beth?' Sarah asked again, her uncertainty sounding clear, even over the phone. Sarah thought that she had hung up. Beth didn't think that she could have even if she wanted to, the sound of the other woman's voice, the prospect that she wasn't in this alone , the only thing keeping her grounded.

'Sarah.' She finally replied. 'I need your help.'

* * *

Beth needed her help.

With what she wasn't sure, she'd barely waited for her to tell her where she was before she left, but she needed her help. As soon as she had asked her all thoughts of her ordeal at the police station left her. Beth needed her help.

She made her way to the other woman quickly, as her mind kept recalling the obvious distress in the other woman's voice, wondering just what she could help her with that her cop buddies couldn't.

Of course, the fact that Beth asked her could just have been out of convenience, that she happened to be the first person she spoke to, but it didn't feel like that was the case. Or maybe she was just imagining some connection between them because of the genetic identical thing. Maybe Beth acted that way with all of them

God, she hoped she wasn't imagining it.

As she approached her eyes focussed on the other woman. It was still odd, seeing her there, so similar yet different. Just from looking at her she could see how different they really were. She was standing with her hands braced against the front of the car, her entire frame tense and she visibly struggled to control her breathing.

'Beth.' She called softly, not wanting to scare her, as she came to stand behind her.

Beth took a deep breath before turning to face her, still not meeting Sarah's eyes. Sarah's heart squeezed at the pain and worry etched onto the other woman's face, the tear tracks on her face, but had no idea what she could do to help her.

'What's wrong? You said you needed help, yeah? Well here I am, what d'you need?' She said as she rested her hand on her bicep, unsure how else to comfort her. Beth finally met her eyes, words seemingly caught in her throat, but as she looked away again, Sarah finally took the time to take in her surroundings.

There was a fucking bullet hole in her windshield. Shit. What the fuck had happened here? Why the hell was there a bloody bullet hole? No wonder Beth was shaken up. Not for the first time that day she was left wondering what the bloody hell she had got herself mixed up in.

She moved to inspect the car more closely, looking for any other damage. Finding nothing more she turned back to Beth who in turn took her hand and lead her to the rear of the car. Sarah took her time looking again, there was obviously something that she wasn't seeing.

As she turned to Beth again, she finally saw it, just barely out of the corner of her eye. She stared, panic raising in her chest. There was a dead body. In Beth's car. There was a dead body in the back seat of Beth's car.

She heard Beth begin to cry as she stood stock still, trying to comprehend what the hell she was seeing.

'I didn't kill her.' Beth chocked out from beside her. Well that answered that question, after that morning it's not like she didn't know Beth had shot someone before.

'Then why haven't you called the police?' She questioned.

'Look at this, at her, Sarah!' She exclaimed. 'How on earth would I even begin to explain this looks? There's a dead body in my car who looks exactly like me.'

'wha…'

'She's one of us Sarah. German. She was here to give us information and now she's dead.' Sarah brought her rather abruptly into a hug, hoping that physical contact would help keep her calm. They were in deep shit and she couldn't afford. Beth reacted immediately, burrowing her head into Sarah's shoulder, a quiet refrain of 'She's dead' passing her lips, as if she were trying to make the information sink in.

As she held her, Sarah didn't try to tell her that it would be alright. She didn't want to lie to the other woman, yes she'd got herself out of some scrapes in the past but none as bad as this. She just stood, cradling her gently as she tried to decide what to do next. What the hell were they going to do next?

She doesn't know how long they stood there before they were interrupted, Beth didn't seemed phased by the ringing noise coming from her pocket but it pulled Sarah from her thoughts. She reached into Beth's pocket to answer the phone. She'd already fooled a group of people into believing she was her today, what was one more.

'Yeah.' She answered abruptly, trying her best to mimic Beth, hoping like hell that they couldn't hear a difference.

'Beth. Did you meet the German? Get the samples?' The voice on the other end asked. She knew about the German, she must be one of the others that Beth mentioned. One of them.

'German's dead'

'Wha…how?'

'Somebody shot her! And now there's a dead body to get rid. What the hell do I do?'

'I don't know. You're a cop, like, buy a shovel'

'Buy a shovel' Sarah repeated bitterly 'is that all you've got' she continued, realising too late that she'd let the accent slip.

'You're not Beth.' The voice stated coldly, 'where's Beth? What have you done with her?'

'Whoa, whoa, whoa,' she shouted in the phone 'Beth's fine.' She stressed 'She's right here, just a little shaken.' That was the understatement of the century, Beth looked like she was on the brink of a full scale mental breakdown, still muttering to herself, face pressed into Sarah's shoulder.

'Can you put her on?'

Sarah sighed. She honestly didn't know if she should, Beth seemed out of it as was, she didn't want to distress her further. 'I just need to know she's okay.' The voice continued, as if sensing the reason for her hesitation.

'Just, hold on a sec, yeah? I'll put her on.' Sarah pulled away from Beth slightly who seemed reluctant to let her get too far away.

'Beth?' She asked hesitantly as placed her hand under the other woman's chin, turning her face towards her. 'Someone wants to talk to you.'

'Who is it?' Beth asked as she cautiously reached for the phone.

Sarah shrugged 'it's your phone,' she supplied in place of a real answer.

Beth stepped away from her as she took the phone and held it to her ear. 'Cosima' she breathed into the phone, before began talking so softly that Sarah could barely make out any of what she was saying.

She began to think through what they would have to do next in order to keep this quiet. She'd have to deal with the car first, the windshield at least. Or maybe not, find a place nearby to hide the body, get rid of it then clean car properly. There, she had a game plan. Good.

Where the fuck could she hide a body? Maybe she would have to buy a bloody shovel. Maybe Beth knew where to hide a body. Maybe Felix knew where to hide a body. No, she couldn't bring him into this. Fuck, she had to hide a body.

* * *

The past few hours had passed in a blur for Beth. First, Sarah shows up, the next thing she knows she's sitting in her car, watching as Sarah digs a hole in the forest floor. She doesn't want to think of it as what it really is, a shallow grave for their fallen sister. A shallow grave for the woman who could have so easily been her.

Instead, she watches Sarah work. Watching the muscles in her should and back move beneath her tank top as she digs. Wondering if she should really be helping, but not wanting to move.

She still had to find some way to get the briefcase before whoever had it out for them got it, but she knew that that was probably going to be easier said than done. Nothing about this whole thing was easy. They'd searched her body before moving it from the car and had found her hotel key, so they knew where to start looking, at least, but this whole thing had trouble written all over it.

She wondered how Sarah was so calm. She'd only known about everything for a couple of days but she was taking everything in her stride. It made her wonder just what sort of shit Sarah had had to deal with in the past that she could be so composed.

Then again, she hardly knew the woman, maybe she was just as scared shitless as she was.

As they got back into the car to leave, she knew that she'd have plenty of time to find out, because really, their work was just beginning. It was going to be a long night.


End file.
